Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
