ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
