i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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