She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
