I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This baby is an asshole
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
