There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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