sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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