Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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