I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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