I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Someone came in the potted fern
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
