Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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