So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
