We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
