Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
