i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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