Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
