Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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