I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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