And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
