she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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