You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
