I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
