bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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