whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
