I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
