Rock
Scissors
Fuck
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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