your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
