ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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