dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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