There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
