Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
