My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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