there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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