I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
