went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
