Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
