Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
