my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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