you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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