I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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