someone get that fucking seahorse.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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