Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
