I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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