I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
