Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
