Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
