Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
