What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
