apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
