new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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