i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
